Ron defeats Yevo to win title!

Santa Monica, CA -- An anonymous league member turned to a friend during the championship round and whispered "you're looking at the next champion" as he pointed at Yevo. Who could have argued with that young man at that point. Yevo was leading the series three games to zero. All he needed was one more victory and the trophy was his. But you can't count Ron out even though this was in many ways not his year. He came off a disappointing loss to Josh Holt in the playoffs last year and lost the #1 seed to rookie Seth. In the early rounds Brooke, Ramie and Jon Bernad gave him hell.

Ron adjusted his game and guarded the left side of his goal. He took game four, then game five and evened the series up after game six. The stage was set. For the first time in the history of the league a game seven in the finals would be played. The Yankee Doodles crowd jumped to their feet and rooted on their respective player.

Yevo earned an early edge, going up 4 - 1. But Ron didn't give up and within in a couple minutes tied it up at 4 all. Then Yevo scored to make it 5-4. It would be his last point. Ron played well under pressure and won the game 7 - 5. It was a remarkable series. One that will be remembered for a long time.

Congratulations to Ron and Yevo. They both played extremely well. Yevo will be back next year. Oh, yes.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

VOTE SETH

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

OFFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR

DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR

"It's hard to deny him the Rookie of the Year award when he's not only got the best record among the nominees but the best record in the entire league," Jeff Thompson, Pucks Magazine

Don't Count Out the Lower Seeds

Last year both #1 seeds were eliminated before the Conference Championships. This year don't be surprised to see a few higher seeds go down early. Lower seeds have less pressure on them and the new tables at Yankee Doodles will no doubt throw a few elite players off their game.

Look out for these guys

HARRY (7th, West): He came to the JM League late and lost because of it. Now that he's practiced and experienced more, he could give Yevo a tough time if they meet in the second round.

GAVIN (8th, East): Never count out Gavin. The Most Valuable Hair nominee has beaten both Ron and Seth. He's also beaten Ankur a couple times. He could beat anyone, or lose to anyone. Which Gavin will show up?

TODD (8th, West): He's 7 - 14 but he's scored more points than he's given up. He's almost beaten everyone from Ron to Josh to Seth. Don't be surprised if he beats Justin and somehow upsets fan favorite Nate.

RAMIE (10th, East): He came into the season late and it took him awhile before he found his game. Now he gives most players a good fight.

Investigative Report For the Air Hockey Bugle - Work out or Eat Right?

A season of air hockey here in the ever-palpable Studio City is much like the history of war. Ok, you got me, pre-Industrial Revolutionary war/post 6th Century BCE, where the strength, durability, and mind of the soldier outweighed all. But those mighty empires fell for a good reason. Workout regimen and diet. A rare, but known fact is that many an ancient army crumbled in correlation to the discovery of refined sugars. So interesting! Most would say the the overconsumption of alcohol is the true detriment of the JMAHL league, but methinks the cookies are the culprit. We're all looking for tips on how to improve our air hockey game. Might we lay off the sweets and only eat dark greens? What about switching from the weights to the dates? Try out these tips from some of the top players in the 07 season:

Tip #1 – Snap the Wrist and Hit the Gym

Yevo had no tips for the yum yums, but he had plenty to say about his workout regimen and tricks of the trade. “Well first of all you must be alert at ALL TIMES, pay attention to the puck not the player. You must react as fast as you can, you must snap the wrist for less energy and more power.” He's got that right, his offensive game is #4 in the overall rankings. “Another plus for me is that i work out with weights, the muscles that is used during air hockey are mainly you chest muscles, triceps, and biceps.” Good golly, Miss Molly! What else could he tell us before the championship? The Yevorama was tight lipped. “I have other secrets but those will be revealed after the tournament.”

Tip #2 – Screw the Gym and the Slim!

Ankur had absolutely nothing to say about a workout, perhaps he doesn't have one. He is a tiny, tiny man. Only not. However, we did manage to chew the fat on a few secrets from the anchor that is Ankur. “I have switched to a diet of only eating out. Mainly Quiznos and La Salsa. I've stayed away from salads and fruits. As for my comeback, recently I've been much more focused and often have a coke zero before each outing.” All that on-the-go food has kept him on top with a #6 in the overall ranking. That's the tip for you little kids out there. Never make your own food, you're wasting your precious, puck-pounding energy. Always eat out.

Tip #3 – Lawson's Rhythm Nation

Mike “The Law” Lawson took on an entirely different approach. When it came to the diet, he threw caution and common sense to the wind. “I have added desserts to my diet. I've always been a salt guy - but since I've dated Brooke(#13 in the AP Top 15) I've eaten a lot of cheesecake and other chocolate desserts. Brooke isn't a sweets person, so this is surprising.” Not a sweets person? That's strange, cuz I had to go to the dentist after I saw Mike and Brooke bein' sweet on Each Otha! *cymbal crash* *crickets* ...cuz they're so sweet? They're sweet together? Is this mic on? *sigh* He also mentioned his other dietary choices were “Robbie Mac's chicken breasts, Robeks nutritional drinks and homemade sandwiches and salads,” although sources from inside say they never have food at the house. Our investigative team will be inquiring further, with a report tentatively titled, “Lawson: Jesus? or Liar?”
Mike had even more to say about his shift from feeling the heat to feeling the beat. “I've replaced a strict four-day weight-lifting regime to a more cardio-centered dancing workout. i try to go out dancing once or twice a week, or more. This has increased my stamina, but for the playoffs I'm going back to the weight-lifting routine - but i'll keep my dancing routine and occasional swim workouts.”

So, the truth of the matter is it's anyone's game. From the level of scientific study we conducted for this article, other great ways of improving your game are gambling, getting engaged, only playing for one night and dancing with unicorns. Ankur had this final comment: “Playoffs are gonna be vicious and i expect some bruised fingers.” True enough. Know what's good for bruised fingers?

A cookie.

MEMORIAL DAY CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT!

LOCATION:

YANKEE DOODLES

1410 3RD STREET PROMENADE

SANTA MONICA, CA

TIME: 12:30PM

Please arrive early because we need to start at 12:30.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

VOTE YEVO

MOST VALUABLE PLAYER

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

OFFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR

BEST RIVALRY (WITH NEIL)

AP Top 15 Rankings

Based on record, strength of schedule and o ther factors.

1. RON
2. SETH
3. NATE
4. YEVO
5. NEIL
6. ANKUR
7. JOSH
8. DAVE P.
9. NIMA
10. MIKE W.
11. MIKE L.
12. GAVIN
13. BROOKE
14. ANGELA
15. TODD

Ron Barely Beats Seth in Points Ratio

POINTS-FOR VS. POINTS AGAINST RATIO

1. RON +2.28
2. SETH +2.29)
3. NATE +1.56
4. YEVO +1.23
5. DAVE P. +0.90
6. MIKE L. +0.80
7. ANKUR +0.74
8. NIMA +0.72
9. NEIL +0.64
10. ANGELA +0.62
11. JOSH +0.44
12. MIKE W. +0.23
13. ALLIE +0.10
14. TODD +0.06
15. JACK Even
16. GAVIN -0.04
17. BROOKE -0.12
18. JOHNNY - 0.19
19. GARRETH -0.40
20. ALI -0.45
21. JOHN R. -0.46
22. ADAM -0.55
23. JUSTIN - 0.74
24. ELYSIA -0.80
25. VICTOR -0.88
26. RAMIE -1.01
27. HARRY -1.04
28. ARIELLE -1.20
29. ELLYSE -1.64
30. ARAM -1.78
31. STEPHANIE -3.60

DEFENSE WINS CHAMPINSHIPS!

TOP 20 DEFENSIVE PLAYERS (based on points given up per game average)

1. RON (4.18)
2. SETH (4.38)
3. ANKUR (4.72)
4. NATE (4.82)
5. MIKE L. (4.91)
6. NIMA (5.04)
7. DAVE P. (5.05)
8. YEVO (5.05)
9. ANGELA (5.13)
10. BROOKE (5.25)
11. MIKE W. (5.34)
12. JOSH (5.44)
13. NEIL (5.57)
14. JACK (5.58)
15. JOHNNY (5.58)
16. RAMIE (5.63)
17. GAVIN (5.70)
18. ALI (5.72)
19. JOHN R. (5.76)
20. TODD (5.8)

THE BEST OFFENSIVE PLAYERS

Seth edges out Ron for the lead in the points-per-game battle. The following is the top twenty players with the highest points-per-game ratios. Only active players with thirteen or more games are included.

TOP 20 (based on points-per-game average)
1. SETH (6.67)
2. RON (6.46)
3. NATE (6.38)
4. YEVO (6.28)
5. NEIL (6.21)
6. DAVE P. (5.95)
7. JOSH (5.92)
8. TODD (5.86)
9. NIMA (5.76)
10. ANGELA (5.75)
11. JUSTIN (5.73)
12. MIKE L. (5.71)
13. GAVIN (5.67)
14. JOHNNY (5.66)
15. JACK (5.58)
16. MIKE W. (5.57)
17. ANKUR (5.46)
18. GARRETH (5.41)
19. JOHN R. (5.31)
20. BROOKE (5.13)

SETH SECURES #1 SPOT AT A VERY IMPRESSIVE 43 - 9 !

Seth came out to All Amusements with a confident ease on Wednesday night. He knew all he had to is maintain his average and he'd walk away with the coveted #1 seed in the playoffs. But an early loss to Harry gave Ron Fallica fans hope. That hope subsided quickly as they watched Seth win nine in a row and finish the night at 11 - 2, bringing his overall record to 43 - 9.

Will we see a Ron vs. Seth match in the playoffs? If so, who will win? Seth has the better record and he finishes the season strong...but Ron beat him quite easily when they played earlier in the year.

"Nobody puts Gavin's hair in the corner" Patrick Swayze

COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR?

ANGELA: Last year lost eleven in a row, quit playing. This year she's 28 - 22 and looking at a #6 seed in the playoffs.

DAVE PHILLIPS: Last year was 17 - 25. This year he's a #5 seed and one of the best players in the league. He's beaten Ron twice!

ELLYSE: She only won two games last year. This year's she won eight.

ARIELLE: She only one one game last year. She's already at eleven this year.

BROOKE: She started out poorly at 4 - 10. But she's rebounded, winning 9 of her last 15. and climbing up the Eastern standings. She's also beaten Gavin and Mike.

WHO DO YOU VOTE FOR?

VOTE VICTOR

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

VICTOR TANG

MOST ANIMATED

How many comebacks does Dave Phillips have in him?

Last year Dave Phillips walked away from Pinz a loser at the hands of Ankur Bhatt. Ankur routed him in the first round, an easy sweep for the eventual champion. Dave didn't score more than four points in any of the three games. Then again he wasn't expected to do well -- his record was 17 - 25. Flash forward one year and Dave is one of the best players in the league. He's taken down Ron twice, Seth twice and Ankur, Yevo, Neil and everyone he's played. That's why he's a favorite to win Comeback Player of the Year and maybe even Defensive Player of the Year. But a recent shoulder injury has taken him off his top game which may cause an early exit on Monday. He'll need to recover quickly if he expects to beat the heavyweights in the West. Every time he tries to extend his left shoulder (he's left-handed) he re aggravates it.

Can Dave comeback again? Can you make two comebacks in one season?

VOTE ANKUR FOR MOST VALUABLE PLAYER

ANKUR BHATT

BE A CHAMPION. VOTE FOR ONE TOO.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

MOST VALUABLE PLAYER

ANGELA

VOTE ANGELA '07

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

MOST VALUABLE PLAYER

MOST VALUABLE HAIR

MOST ANIMATED

COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR

"Angela's hair can be your best friend, your worst enemy, your lover, your fighter, your battlefield -- but it's always the best!" The Arizona Hair Times

"Angela adds a much needed value element to an otherwise valueless league," The Air Hocker

Gavin's Hair 2007

GAVIN'S HAIR CAMPAIGN COSTING TAX PAYERS $$$$$??

Last year Gavin Leighton won the big prize...the Most Valuable Hair award. Sure, he lost first round in the real tournament against Josh Holt who went on to upset Ron and Jon Anderson and represent the East in the finals. But what's more important? An air hockey trophy or a hair popularity contest?

"The hair sticks with you for life, or until you lose it," reigning champ Ankur Bhatt says. "I won the air hockey tournament, but it would have been nice to win hair too. Hair is important, I guess."

Hair is perhaps the most important to Gavin who is trying to earn the title for the second year in a row. That's a daunting task considering many were outraged that Connor and Todd lost last year.

"A lot of people don't want him to get it again because they didn't feel he deserved it last time," Ankur says. "But people say that about a lot of things."

"Not so fast," says an anonymous league member who strongly favors Gavin. "I -- I mean, Gavin, has put a lot of effort and care into my -- his hair. His hair has raised money for charity and I believe a Gavin Hair Foundation is in the works to raise awareness to hair-related issues, such as hair loss, hair growth treatments and good shit like that. Gavin's hair makes the world a better place. It gives hope to those with oily scalps and those with thin hair that you can change your hair and make it look brilliant. Gavin's hair didn't always look so good. It came from nothing, worked very hard and found success. The story of Gavin's hair is inspiring. Really, it's just a shaggy mop from Gainsville, Florida with a dream. A mop that turned to silky gold. A vote for Gavin is a vote for your hair and every child's hair in America."

Many of Gavin's hair critics worry his campaign may be costing tax payers money. Gavin has applied for several public funds which could be taking money away from education and health care spending. Only time will tell if this hurts him in the voting.

AP Top Twelve Rankings

AP TOP TWELVE RANKINGS

These have nothing to do with the Monday playoff bracket. The players are evaluated on standing, strength of schedule and other skills. Despite a slight slump the last week, Ron remains at the top followed by veteran Nathan Bell and newcomer Seth.

1. RON
2. NATE
3. SETH
4. ANKUR
5. YEVO
6. JOSH
7. NEIL
8. DAVE P.
8. MIKE L.
9. MIKE W.
10. BROOKE
11. TODD
12. GAVIN

Gavin's Hair Hockey Campaign

Gavin will be holding a mini-hair rally tomorrow night at All Amusements in Van Nuys. Campaign officials hint there may be surprise musical guests. For more information, contact Gavin at gavin_leighton@yahoo.com.

Neil leads the Jeanne Awards with 5 nods!

Sherman Oaks, CA -- The second annual JM Air Hockey Award nominations have been announced with a few big surprises. Neil leads the pack with 5 nominations but doesn't get an expected MVP nomination. Angela, Nate, Josh, Ron and Yevo share 4 nominations each. And for the second year in a row, Gavin finds himself in a major hair battle against best friend Elysia and last year's rival, Connor, golden boy Josh and Angela. Ron, last year's winner, is in for a far more difficult challenge for MVP against the reigning champ and posterboy of the league, ANKUR; the fan favorite NATE; YEVO's got a huge Van Nuys following; and the charming ANGELA happens to be the only female to ever get nominated in the category. Ballots will be emailed to you within the week. You may vote online or over the phone.

Most Valuable Player of the Year
ANGELA
ANKUR
NATE
RON
YEVO

Offensive Player of the Year
NATE
NEIL
RON
SETH
YEVO

Defensive Player of the Year
ANKUR
DAVE P.
NATE
RON
SETH

Rookie of the Year
MIKE W.
NEIL
NIMA
SETH
YEVO

Comeback Player of the Year
ANGELA
ARIELLE
BROOKE
DAVE P.
ELLYSE

Best Rivalry
ANKUR VS. GAVIN
JOSH VS. RON
JOSH VS. NATE
MIKE W. VS. PETER A.
NEIL VS. YEVO

Most Animated
ANGELA
GARRETH
JOSH
MIKE W.
NEIL
VICTOR

Most Valuable Hair
ANGELA
CONNOR
ELYSIA
GAVIN
JOSH

Rookie Hair of the Year
ADAM (Private Radio)
BRANDON
NEIL
RAMIE
STEPHANIE