GAVIN'S HAIR CAMPAIGN COSTING TAX PAYERS $$$$$??
Last year Gavin Leighton won the big prize...the Most Valuable Hair award. Sure, he lost first round in the real tournament against Josh Holt who went on to upset Ron and Jon Anderson and represent the East in the finals. But what's more important? An air hockey trophy or a hair popularity contest?
"The hair sticks with you for life, or until you lose it," reigning champ Ankur Bhatt says. "I won the air hockey tournament, but it would have been nice to win hair too. Hair is important, I guess."
Hair is perhaps the most important to Gavin who is trying to earn the title for the second year in a row. That's a daunting task considering many were outraged that Connor and Todd lost last year.
"A lot of people don't want him to get it again because they didn't feel he deserved it last time," Ankur says. "But people say that about a lot of things."
"Not so fast," says an anonymous league member who strongly favors Gavin. "I -- I mean, Gavin, has put a lot of effort and care into my -- his hair. His hair has raised money for charity and I believe a Gavin Hair Foundation is in the works to raise awareness to hair-related issues, such as hair loss, hair growth treatments and good shit like that. Gavin's hair makes the world a better place. It gives hope to those with oily scalps and those with thin hair that you can change your hair and make it look brilliant. Gavin's hair didn't always look so good. It came from nothing, worked very hard and found success. The story of Gavin's hair is inspiring. Really, it's just a shaggy mop from Gainsville, Florida with a dream. A mop that turned to silky gold. A vote for Gavin is a vote for your hair and every child's hair in America."
Many of Gavin's hair critics worry his campaign may be costing tax payers money. Gavin has applied for several public funds which could be taking money away from education and health care spending. Only time will tell if this hurts him in the voting.
2 comments:
I want to thank you all for your concern. Rest assured that the small tax of $29.15 will go to proper use. We are researching the best shampoos (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shampoo), pomades(http://www.hairboutique.com/tips/tip941.htm), and straightening irons. We believe that America should know what's best and go from there. Thank you for your support. -GAVIN HAIR FOUND.
I personally love Gavin and I'm sure that will matter when it comes time for the voting, however, I was stopped on the street by a war veteran with gaunt and tired eyes, who told me, "I couldn't enough shampoo to last me because of the taxation and I was forced to only shower once a week."
Go Gavin.
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